This competency enables the learner to:
Counseling is a private talk with someone that helps the individual with a personal problem.
As a leader, people will come to you with problems. Because you are a leader, you will spot people with problems. You can't turn them away or just let them suffer, because the ignored problem, if serious, will almost inevitably become a group problem.
Counseling is considered pretty difficult. Professional counselors, like lawyers, bankers, clergymen, vocational counselors, teachers, psychiatrists and others, sometimes spend years learning how to counsel in their fields. People often pay large amounts of money to be counseled.
Why should leaders learn to counsel? Why should a patrol leader, for instance, need to know how to counsel? Why is it considered one of the competencies a leader ought to know?
Because everyone has challenges or problems from time to time. Because as an effective leader, individuals will grow to respect you. They will seek you out and ask for counsel from you.
"Counseling" is sometimes just another word for "listening." When troubled, many times it helps the individual to just talk it out, to voice their concerns and express what's troubling them. Just having their worries or problems heard by another gives the person a sense that his or her problems are legitimate, thus perhaps increasing their self-esteem and their feelings of adequacy in handling the situation.
You may or may not need to respond with anything more than reflective listening (as described in Chapter 8 - "Getting and Giving Information").
Usually the challenge or problem isn't big enough to require professional help, but if the problem cuts into the effectiveness of a group member and then you have a problem. You might use counseling to help a group member resolve the problem if it isn't too big.
In any case, you should not even try to help someone with personal problems that cannot be resolved in a ten or fifteen minute conversation. The type of counseling described here is best called "first aid" counseling. If the problem is at all serious, you're just going to put a band-aid on the wound until professional help arrives.
Suggest to the individual they seek the counsel of more knowledgeable individuals--another leader you or the individual respects, their parent, minister, priesthood leader, or another individual they respect.
We counsel people to:
First off, only when asked. We must respect individual's right to privacy. There is no one more arrogant than someone who offers unsolicited and unwanted advice. Even when asked, advice is rarely appropriate, as we will discuss later.
Do offer a listening ear when a person asks and he or she is:
Sometimes the person only thinks he's in a bind--counseling may help him find out he doesn't have a problem or help him discover the true nature of the problem.
We might also counsel with an individual when a person has made a hasty decision:
Counseling may give him a "second chance" to think the matter through and decide on a reasonable course of action. It may also just give the person the breathing room to allow other forces, forces they do not control, to work on and resolve the situation for them.
First, find out if there really is a problem.
Once you feel there is a need for counseling, create a positive "climate" for the conversation.
Use these techniques for drawing a person out and encouraging them to talk. Just remember, your job is not to solve their problem for them. You task is to allow them to express themselves freely so they can make decisions in a clear and sensible fashion.
Really listen. Don't do anything else. Let him see that you're listening.
Ask yourself "Do I understand what he is saying or trying to say?" Well, do you? If you're not sure, keep listening. If you're puzzled, look puzzled--he will probably try to make you understand. Listen.
Do Not Give Advice! This may be (probably is) what he wants--somebody to make his decision for him, take the burden off his back. Someone to blame the problem (and the solution) on. You won't help him, because what he needs to make his own decision. You may harm the individual by making the wrong decision--maybe you don't have all the facts yet. In either case, now you have the problem. And when your solution goes wrong, guess who's responsible? And who's not feeling responsible?
Make it clear you do not have the answer. If he asks you what he should do, boomerang it right back. "Gee, I really don't know. What have you considered so far?" Giving advice is a bad ego trip. What you can do offer information the individual may not have so they can develop alternatives. Do not criticize. Listen.
For more information on problem-solving techniques, see Chapter 15 - "Problem-Solving".
When you do not understand the member's concerns or statements, try paraphrasing what they are saying and asking them if you got it right. People's thinking in counseling situations is usually muddled (otherwise they wouldn't have a problem) and hearing it reflected back to them may help them sort out what they feel and think.
You might try, "Let's see if I understand. You said that..." and give it back to him in your own words. That way you can see if you do understand, and he can see that maybe what he is saying is not what he means. Use your reflective listening skills (as described in Chapter 8 - "Getting and Giving Information").
Has he checked all resources? If you have any facts that you're sure of and he doesn't seem to have, offer them. Be sure it is information on which he could base his decision and not advice that makes the decision. Suggest additional resources that he might pursue.
Is he locked in on only one solution and unwilling to carry it out? Help the patrol member consider other ways to handle the problem, without suggesting that any is the way. Ask him or her what options they have considered thus far. Ask them to describe what the likely outcomes of each of the alternatives might be.
Suggest that there might be other ways. If you can suggest alternative approaches to thinking about the problem and possible solutions, do so, but in as detached a manner as possible. Always suggest more than one idea, as you do not want to appear to endorse any one solution.
Encourage him to think of them--it may relax him enough to "let go" and find the solution. The individual must find it or decide for himself.
Help the person know that you care. Let him know that you have confidence in their ability to find a solution. Ask him to tell you what he decides to do. Later on, check in. Ask him how he's doing.
After listening to the individual, there are several ways you can respond. Here are five recommended methods.
Later, check with the individual. Just to show you care. Next time it'll be even easier.
For more information on Counseling, refer to Chapter 15, "Problem-Solving," for additional decision-making techniques and ideas.
|
|